Understand, I respect a bit of ego.  After all, we all have one (unless you’ve actually achieved some level of Zen mastery, in which case I probably have other problems with you).  And I don’t inherently hate marketing, even if it is more commonly used for evil than for good.  But when you bring me a person who specializes in marketing, whose ego is so caught up in every aspect of a project reflecting their whims that they are willing to stare you in the face and swear that an apple is an orange…well, those people are welcome to take a long walk off a short pier over eel infested waters.  Or possibly those tiny Australian jellyfish that you can hardly see but have incredibly painful, paralyzing stings.  I imagine that sucks more.

So here’s what you need to know as a marketing person before you walk into a room of specialists in other fields: sometimes they’re right, and you’re wrong.  And your gut feeling about it, your personal sense of aesthetics, your dogged insistence, and your mincing, passive-aggressive corporatespeak don’t count for jack.  Other than making me really angry, and that is seriously not going to help you get what you want.  If you want to bring statistics, demographic profiles, case studies and/or focus group studies, you are more than welcome.  That’s all useful information.  You are welcome to present creative, innovative ideas that may never have occurred to the rest of the group.  That’s pretty much half your job description.  But when you sit across the table from me and swear on your mother’s virgin panties that black text on a mottled, mid-tone background is no less legible than dark text on a white background…well, you’re either literally crazy, or you’re so invested in having what you want just because you want it that you’re willing to sit there and tell a bald-faced lie to a room full of reasonable people.  With eyeballs of their own.  So you’re probably also an idiot.

And then, of course, when you find you’re gaining no ground and begin to suspect that this time, somehow, you don’t seem to be able to bully people into acquiescence, you do the most predictable, but most stupid, thing you could do: you begin to express concerns about the qualifications and professionalism of those who do not agree with you.  Seriously?  Most of the time, if you’re sitting in a room full of people all working on the same project, all those people are there specifically because they are qualified professionals in the aspect of the project on which they’re working.  When you start attacking their “professionalism”, you sound like a sulky child who has just realized their temper tantrum is really not getting them a pony for Christmas.  Quite honestly?  It makes me question your professionalism.

So the next time you are trotting your way toward the board room, full of your own bright vision of what the project should be…stop a moment in the bathroom and look yourself in the eyes and say a little power mantra a few times, until you start to understand it.  It goes like this: They are not all my toys.  Say it over and over, because it’s deeper than you think.  Say it until you believe it.

Or don’t.  Because you don’t have to take my advice, any more than I have to take yours.