Don’t know what a mysophobe is? Not my problem, feel free to look it up.
See, the problem here is not that I think we should all be going around licking dirty diapers. I don’t. But people who go around slathering themselves with antibacterial gel and screaming at their children if the kids get a little bit of dirt on their faces need to be tied to an anthill and flogged with toilet seat liners ’till they get the fuck over it. The world is full of germs. The world is also full of dirt. Our ancestors lived in far dirtier, germier climates than any of us, and yet lived at least long enough to breed. I reckon touching the handle of the grocery store cart isn’t going to kill you. Unfortunately.
You people do bloody realize that antibacterial soap has been proven to be useless, don’t you? Look it up. That creepy antibacterial gel you practically use as a condiment? Not going to save you. When you use it after shaking my hand, however? You might just die from that.
The fact that you are contributing to the future invincibility of a pool of super powered, mutant gigantigerms is bad enough. Yes, you are. In the end, they’re going to kill us all, and it will be your. fucking. fault. But in the meantime, you’re guilty of yet another crime. You’re turning your kids into people I hate. Kids are filthy, freaky little creatures, and they damned well will fill your house with shit and mud and dead animals that they found on the street and other children that you find questionable and bug collections and gerbilrats and dubious food concoctions and bad art and holycowknowswhatall…and you should have accepted that when you decided to breed. In fact, those are some of their more charming characteristics. When I see you at the park and you are squirting antibacterial KY Jelly into your 5 year old’s hands, I want to rub sand in your eyes. When I see you grab your offspring by the elbow and haul them away from the swampy “river” they were playing in, I have a desperate need to throw you in it. And when you shriek in horror just because their fingernails are dirty? Well…all I’ll say is that your wide open mouth could probably use washing out with soap. Seriously. There might be germs in there.
If you literally, technically, clinically have been diagnosed a mysophobe…my condolences and best of luck. But for those of you who just like to act like one? Get the fuck over it and go make some goddamned mudpies.
